July 24, 2009
I have been on this kick, I can’t help but think of the past. Think of the way we used to be. He used to do this… we never did that, ect… Now, it’s he now does this all the time and we always do that. Ugh. This kept me up last night. I want to feel like we used to. We used to be able to talk for hours all night, we’d stare into each others eyes, couldn’t not make love.
Now all that is gone.
We don’t do any of it. I miss it. I miss that new feeling. I know that we are married now and our relationship is not new.
But does the romance die out that fast?
Is that how it is? I know that we are in a rut, and that once I have a job, he won’t be so consumed with $$$. But when that does happen, will the romance come back? If I want romance, I have to make the first move. I am the one who starts it up. Every time since our “honeymoon”. I hate it. And if I talk to him about it, he seems annoyed with me, and all talk turns to bills.
This needs to get better. We need a romantic night, that HE started, and do all that cheesy shit we used to do.
God, he used to be the CHEESYIST person I knew. In fact, I almost broke up with him when we first hooked up because he was too much for me. I got used to it and fell in love. I do love him! I just miss that feeling of him being cheesy. Him saying things that make me feel like I’m priceless. Now, I feel like I have a price. And naturally, it’s not very much.
Fuck.
I hate this feeling. That feeling in the pit of your stomach, where you need to scream and hit something. Where all you can do is cry. I talk about it with him and cry. I think about it when I look at him and cry.
I need a job, so I don’t focus so much on us. Right now, he is all I have. He is my life. I have no real friends that live close, no job, no $$$, I have a whole lotta nothing. I need to do something. I am going to Momma’s today to steal her internet and phone to make some follow up calls on jobs.
Wow. This is so depressing. This is my bitch-fest, I suppose. Off to do something productive!
I have been on this kick, I can’t help but think of the past. Think of the way we used to be. He used to do this… we never did that, ect… Now, it’s he now does this all the time and we always do that. Ugh. This kept me up last night. I want to feel like we used to. We used to be able to talk for hours all night, we’d stare into each others eyes, couldn’t not make love.
Now all that is gone.
We don’t do any of it. I miss it. I miss that new feeling. I know that we are married now and our relationship is not new.
But does the romance die out that fast?
Is that how it is? I know that we are in a rut, and that once I have a job, he won’t be so consumed with $$$. But when that does happen, will the romance come back? If I want romance, I have to make the first move. I am the one who starts it up. Every time since our “honeymoon”. I hate it. And if I talk to him about it, he seems annoyed with me, and all talk turns to bills.
This needs to get better. We need a romantic night, that HE started, and do all that cheesy shit we used to do.
God, he used to be the CHEESYIST person I knew. In fact, I almost broke up with him when we first hooked up because he was too much for me. I got used to it and fell in love. I do love him! I just miss that feeling of him being cheesy. Him saying things that make me feel like I’m priceless. Now, I feel like I have a price. And naturally, it’s not very much.
Fuck.
I hate this feeling. That feeling in the pit of your stomach, where you need to scream and hit something. Where all you can do is cry. I talk about it with him and cry. I think about it when I look at him and cry.
I need a job, so I don’t focus so much on us. Right now, he is all I have. He is my life. I have no real friends that live close, no job, no $$$, I have a whole lotta nothing. I need to do something. I am going to Momma’s today to steal her internet and phone to make some follow up calls on jobs.
Wow. This is so depressing. This is my bitch-fest, I suppose. Off to do something productive!
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