August 17, 2009
I am in a life funk.
I sleep in late, waking up at a decent hour and realizing that there is no reason to get out of bed. I can’t call anyone, have no internet, and most importantly – have no job.
My life is reduced to ramen noodles, chick books, and listening to quiet music. Thinking the whole time that I need to get off my ass and clean the house before my husband comes home.
I am the woman I have always feared becoming.
I am going to be 25 in a few months. I am supposed to be trying to start my own business and have more tattoos. I am supposed to be going out with my girls and coming home a little tipsy, telling my sexy husband how funny they were tonight! (I DO have the sexy husband part!!) Supposed to be able to drive the 4 hours north to spend the weekend with my best friend, taking her out to dinner and drinks. Or more importantly, taking my husband out to dinner on Wednesday night, because I can. I should be able to do these things. It is not THAT hard. It is easy.
Why, then, do I insist on making things so hard on myself?
I am allowing me to wallow in shit that happened, can’t change it, so move the fuck on!
I need to find a way of getting out of this!
I need to take control of my own life.
Get pride out of the way, forget my age and do what I need to do right now.
For my family.