In every relationship previous to Hubby, I would go through this "phase". I'd feel extraordinary needy, clingy, had to be touched (but not too sexually), and terrified they'd leave me.
~They usually did~
Now, when I got married, I figured this wouldn't happen with my husband. Wrong. It totally is. I hate it!! He is a man who loves me more than I realized I could be loved. He is so real and loving and true! He has always been cheated on and would never do it to me. He would not leave me. I know this... but I'm still tripping.
At first, I was just quiet about it all and thought I was just being stupid and it'd go away. Well, it hasn't. I told him about what I'm going through last night and tried to explain that it really isn't him, it is me.
{Ironic, those are usually break up words, not "needy" words}
I explained that I will need him to be close to me, reassure me, be patient, expect me to pick random fights and cry about it for no reason. I know what you are thinking... "My God, this girl sounds like a fucking psycho!!" Trust me, so am I!
The worst part about it is I know what I'm doing, but can't make my brain stop thinking it.
The happy part is that, somehow, he kind of gets it...
Times like this I wish I had a RX to xanax. I wish I wasn't afraid to become addicted and could just take a happy little blue pill and feel wonderful! But I know me, and I know it would become a crutch, like alchy and smokes...
I wonder if it is because so much is going on with people I love's relationships? I have a few people, who are my life, my everything, my favorite people ever, that are going through some serious relationship shit. I feel very deeply when it comes to my friends and family, and when they hurt, so do I. I want them to talk to me and I want to do all that I can to help, that will never change. But sometimes I stress about them a little too much and worry a little too much, which may affect why I'm being so fucking weird... Who knows?
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Indulge in a favorite pastime.
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3 comments:
I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from, girl! Lately, it seems everybody is having issues in their relationships and breaking up or getting divorced, and it's scary! It touches especially close to home when it happens to a loved one, and you realize that nobody is "immune". What's important to remember is that you love each other, and that you know he's there to talk to.
Keep doing what you're doing and talk to him about your feelings. It may seem silly at first, but if there is anything I've learned in our nearly 6 years of marriage, it's that if we're going to make it, we need to talk things out. Communication helps us to grow together, it builds on our trust, and it helps us to better understand one another so we know where the other one is coming from.
Just remember, if you need another shoulder to lean on, or just somebody to listen, I'm here for you and I love you!
Ok, sorry for the book, I guess hubby is right, and I am long winded at times... LOL! Love you sweetie, and hope you have a wonderful day!!
Sometimes I feel like I am being to clingy with my blow up doll, but she won't say anything to me when I ask her if I am.......
:~/
Haha! Wow, Seth...
And thanks Joan! =)
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