Lies the Internet Told Us
5 years ago
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I'm a realist and a dreamer
I need to blog, and all the fun-ness of how I typically post isn't showing up for some reason... gar. So, here's the real me... I'm super insecure. I try to cover it up, but I am always paranoid that I'm annoying, the one's I love will end up hating me, I'll end up a homeless bag lady... these thoughts pester me daily. I believe that you create your own reality, so by me thinking this shit, it COULD possibly happen... this being said, I should quit thinking such thoughts, right?! Well, I can't just turn it off. No matter how hard I try. At one point or another, all of my dear friends have gotten or will get an e mail or text asking if we're still cool. It is the most annoying thing ever. I know I'm being silly and I know what I'm doing... yet I can't stop it. I try to think twice the good to make up for the negativity, but it ends up exhausting me and puts me in an even worse place. I spin, spiral, whatever you want to call it. I'm a realist and a dreamer. I'm on the cusp of Libra and Scorpio. My birthday is October 23, literally the day that changes over. I am mostly Libra, but do have some Scorpio tendencies. Therefore, I fight with myself constantly. I've been doing it a lot lately. My Daddy has been kinda irritated with me lately because I don't have a job. Trust me, I'm irritated about being unemployed (again) too! However, me working doesn't mean I don't have a life, shit to say. He focuses on my lack o employment and doesn't seem to care about anything else in my life. It hurts my feelings. From there, I think about everyone and everything in my life and end up being the only one attending my pity party...
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2 comments:
yea. I pretty much know how you feel...
:0(
Hey, I just hopped on over to your blog through my good friend Kyla's - I hate seeing people feeling like this because I know how much it sucks. (Trust me - go back a few posts and there's a LOT of feeling like this) For the longest time I thought I was kind of a burden on everyone - not as cool or funny or confident as everyone else, and naturally people would think I was annoying/stupid/incompetent/a drain, and I kept thinking it and you're right it's totally a self fulfilling thing, because my thoughts became my own reality - even though it wasn't the case at all, I thought it was, and that was very real (and very upsetting) for me. It's taken a lot of work but I've tried to get myself to a better place where the fear/worry of what other people think of me doesn't consume my every waking moment. I've read some really good books, confided in a couple of really good people, and just tried to fill my time with doing things for other people - volunteering, researching, blogging etc. - and I've honestly found the more little things you do for other people, the better you feel about yourself. I know it's not as easy as that - but I hate to see someone plagued with negativity the way I was a few months ago and if you ever want to talk, I know we just "met" but I'd love to chat :)
Chin up!!
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