Unhealthy Me

God. Today has been ridiculous.

I had to get up early with Hubby to get my car that I left at his work (an hour away) this morning, then come home to get ready for the oh so wonderful girlie Dr. Hubby has an insurance card that I totally forgot to grab. I realized this when I got to the house... So I took a 4 min. shower and rushed back to his work to get the card, just to drive BACK to go to my awful appointment. (I did however get me some wonderful Hubby kisses!) I even made it on time. The wait wasn't as bad as I had anticipated {thanks to New Moon... I'm on that bandwagon...don't judge} and the Dr. was really cool. She switched my birth control to the one where you only have a period every 3 months, which is cool, but I'm worried I'll constantly think I'm pregnant. I don't want kids. Not now, at least. They were free though, so I'll try them out and hopefully get some more refills if I like them. (Here's to hoping!!)

She also thinks I need to get on something for anxiety. I've been tripping lately. About everything. The lack of job, finding the right friends for us, Little man and Hubby, my family and friends, my kitties, my body and lack of confidence.... Seriously, the list goes on and on and on. I guess she picked up on how spazzed out I've been and suggested I see someone about it. I heard her, and it was in the back of my mind, but I've known about this for a little bit now. Well, tonight, Hubby, Little man, and I were watching Home Alone (because it's the holiday's and that movie effin rocks!) and afterwards, Little man was just being annoying, so I was on my way around the table to tickle-attack him and my chest froze. It's something that's been happening lately, but tonite it was the worst it's ever been. My heart was beating weird and I seriously had like a brick on my chest. I kinda freaked out. Hubby knew exactly what was going on and told me to take my Hippie Xanax (Calms Forte. Shit is amazing. You take 1 or 2 and your stress is gone.) So I googled "what causes anxiety attacks" and found an article on different "anxiety disorder symptoms" (I use " because I don't like disorders... come on, I'm fucking stressed out and my body is reacting, I do not have a disorder) I related to most of them, which freaks me out. So now I'm trying to find a more permanent/natural solution to my issues. I'm going to start working out a little more and try to start a daily yoga routine to ground and center my crazy ass. I don't like all of this negativity around me. I seriously need to change my lifestyle or I'm going to snap. It's kinda scary. And it's total bullshit, because I know people who are going through REAL shit. Gah.

I'm going to try to go to bed.

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Give your next 5 minutes a spontaneous tone. Grab whatever is within reach, and act on the first idea that comes to mind.

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